


Anyway...

by Tealskys



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pastel Simon, Slow Burn, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, punk baz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:53:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23666431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tealskys/pseuds/Tealskys
Summary: Pastel and Punk au where Simon and Baz are forced to do a project together. Only problem? Simon is terrified of Baz and Baz just couldn't help falling in love with the golden boy.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 22
Kudos: 67





	1. Paired

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a cute au but it deals with some dark themes so keep that in mind
> 
> TW: mentions of abuse, anxiety, spacing out, mentions of bullying
> 
> (basically the Mage is an asshole)

## Simon

I’m pulling my light blue jumper out of my locker as Penny comes barreling into view. “So” she says launching straight into conversation “I was thinking for your birthday we should do something, yeah?” here it is. The talk I dread every year, the one where my best friend hopes that my father hasn't made plans with me for my birthday. It’s in a few weeks, he told me I'm spending my birthday with him about a month ago. It seems to be the only interest he has in my life.

“Can’t. Busy.” it's what i say every year. Penny never presses me after that, she knows what it means. 

“Next year you'll get a good birthday, because we’ll be gone. In London.” she beams as we walk to our class a little early ( Penny always wants to be early).That’s our plan - i'll never have to come back after we graduate. We haven't told my mum yet but we’re gonna ask her to come with us. I hope she’ll be brave enough to leave him. Good thing you're keeping your mood light before class Simon. I snort quietly at myself. I learnt that from mum. If you laugh at it it’s a little less sad. I think it creeps out Pen when I laugh at myself why I cry, but she never says anything about it. She’s a good friend.

Class is about to start so I mirror Penny’s smile. People at school know me to be a quite happy bubbly guy who gets on with everyone (and who wears way too much pastel), it's good. I don't know if the happy part is necessarily true but when you smile at people they smile back. It's comforting and it means no one really has a problem with me. I like to talk so that works out too. I find it hard to talk and think at the same time, thinking is a really bad idea for me so i'll talk to anyone about anything. The month before and after my birthday being the usual exception. I have too much to think about so I forget to talk. Penny likes to talk even more than I do so she fills the silence for me.

“Simon” I look up, I must have spaced out. Mum says that's normal, says she sometimes gets it for a long time. I wonder if mum’s always spaced out. I wouldn't blame her.  
Penny is looking at me expectantly and I realize the bell must have gone “Come on” she tugs my arm and pulls me into the classroom like a lost puppy. Maybe i am a lost puppy - English is my worst lesson and because of that this classroom scares me. I'm thinking about it as Penny and I sit down near the front. I honestly just don't get English. Dyslexia is a bitch so i try to stay away from reading and writing when i can. Mum says it's okay to struggle with it and that the more i practice the better i'll get. Dad has ‘other’ things to say about it… Penny told me that just because he doesn't believe dyslexia is real doesn't mean it isn't.

Anyway…

So I've started trying really hard in English, it still makes my brain hurt but i think i'm getting better. We’re near the end of the term so every lesson counts to get my grades up. This means i need to focus. Seems unlikely.

Pen looks over to me and it's like she knows I haven't been listening. Damn best friend intuition. She leans over and whispers “We’re doing a paired project for all the remainder of this term, big part of our grade this year. Mrs.C is deciding groups now” before turning back to the board.

Okay… that actually sounds kinda fun pretty much everyone likes me so that won't really be a problem. And if we need to do work together out of school that will give me an excuse to not be home. Maybe if i do a lot of the work they’ll agree to write it out so no one has to deal with my awful spelling and barely legible handwriting.

Okay Simon, slow down. Listen to what's happening. I need to know who I’m gonna go with.

“Penelope and Trixie.” That's not going to end well, I don't think Penny has ever had a good reason but Trixie has gotten on her nerves for longer than i've known her (i'm pretty sure they met in kindergarten, how do you hate someone in kindergarten?). Penny begrudgingly gets and looks at me pleading for help as she goes over to sit next to Trixie. I just shrug, i'm good at that. Penny once said i was the best shrugger in the world, i didn’t really grasp sarcasm in year 8.

A few other pairs are said, some groan and others smile. I start to get lost in the sounds when my name is called and I sit up straight.

“Simon and Tyrannus” No. No. No no no no. This can't be happening. Not him.

Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch is the scariest and strangest person i have ever met. He comes from big money so he’s got his own car and everything but he’s also terrifying. Him and his friends are always smoking and the death glares I get when he sees me, jesus. I don't think i've ever seen him without ripped jeans and black painted nails, sometimes even a leather jacket. I don't think I ever actually did anything to him. I’m pretty nice. But he’s taken every moment he could since year 7 to make my life shit. He’s never actually hurt me (my dad’s done it enough to make up for it don't worry) but whenever I passed him he made a jab at me, he always went for the lowest blow. How often i wear the same clothes (i can barely afford what i own), shit about my parents and anything else he could think of. I usually just ignored it. Once, in year 11, I punched him. I don't remember what he had said. It was just after my birthday, I was on edge and he got in my face. His nose is still crooked. He didn't fight back though… it was weird.

That was the only time I reacted. He stopped saying shit after that. It's been two years of dirty looks now, it's better i guess. Most people figured he deserved it so i didn't get in much trouble until my dad found out… that wasn't fun. 

Anyway…

Shit i was so caught up in not wanting this to be real that i completely missed him walking over. He’s sitting in the seat Penny had been sat in. He’s got one leg completely stretched out under the desk and the other foot using his knee as a balance. All of Baz’s height is in his legs. The lanky tosser sits like a fashion model. What a prick. There is no way I can do a project with him. He honestly scares me so much. I know I'm the one who’s hit him but his words have such venom I think they hurt worse.

“Take a picture, it'll last longer” shit was i staring? He’s looking at me like i'm the most boring thing in the world. Maybe i am. I just nod and turn back to look at our teacher. I have no clue what Baz’s grades are like but i have a feeling i'll end up doing this project on my own so i may as well figure out what it is.

************************

## Baz

“Simon and Tyrannus” Shit. No. Shit. Not Simon. Anyone but Simon Snow Sailsbury. Not the boy I've been in love with since year 7. Not the boy who hates me more than i hate myself. (it's almost impressive)

Snow looks good today (i don't know when i found out his middle name, calling him Snow helps me to pretend he's not real - that i'm not in love with him). Who am i kidding, he always looks good but today he’s got on that baby blue jumper that tapers at the sleeves. It's my favorite. Matches his eyes.

To say we have a history is a little bit of an understatement. That’s my fault. The first time I saw him was in year 7 science, probably the second day of secondary school. I was looking around the class for somewhere to sit, the space next to the pretty blonde boy was empty (he looked so fucking pretty even before he started dressing all pastel and cute - he used to only wear gray) but before i got to sit there a frizzy haired girl with a blinding smile stole my pretty blonde boy. (i later learnt that the girl was Penelope Bunce, my academic rival) I missed my chance and the last seat was in between Dev and Niall. Later that day Dev asked if I wanted to smoke with them. I should have just let that be our story. Nearly friends with the golden boy. But of course I didn't.

Because I saw him again. I saw him smile. I heard him talk about things he loves. I witnessed Simon and I couldn't let that be the end of our story. It was wrong. I know that now. I think it all started on a random day. I didn't plan it. He wasn't really looking where he was going and he knocked into me. I looked into baby blue eyes and i didn't know what to do. So I scared him. I don't even know what i said but he was so caught off guard. His eyes were a little red as Bunce pulled him away.

So that became our story. Id hurt Snow with words every chance i got and his baby blue eyes watered with fear. It really helped with the bad boy image i was going for. People started getting scared of Me, Dev and Niall - i honestly don't know if i wanted that. I realized that i was in love with Snow in year 9. We had our lunch on the table next to the one Bunce and Snow had theirs on (that was before we started sneaking off school grounds every chance we got) and so i would just listen to Snow talk. I think Dev and Niall knew i loved Snow before i did. It got worse after that. I was so paranoid that he’d figure it out so i became meaner. I said whatever i thought would hurt him most. Shit I didn't mean. Shit i regret.

I stopped halfway through year 11. I stopped when Snow punched me in the face. My nose is still crooked. I deserved it. I know i did. I didn't stop because I got hurt, I stopped because i had hurt him so much that he had to hit me to get away from it. I stopped because i didn't want to hurt him anymore.

So I've been avoiding him for two years. Now he’s my partner - Fuck.

I stand up and make my way over to him because he makes no sign of moving. I sit down in Bunce’s normal seat expecting a sneer. But that's not what he does. I swear he looks me up and down with those beautiful eyes. I haven't seen them up close in a long time. I feel like i'm burning under his gaze.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer” old habits die hard. He just nods, I think he’s blushing slightly but I'm probably imagining it. Simon Snow Sailsbury hates me.

Anyway…

At least the assignment is easy, we need to pick a Shakespeare play and write about love within it. Exploring different kinds of love. I don't think anyone except maybe Niall knows how good my grades are, it doesn't really work with my image. I'm top of the class in pretty much every subject, but English is my favorite. That's good since i'll probably end up having to do this entire project myself.

Mrs. C starts talking again. “You’ll need to decide on the play and the relationships you're focusing on before our next lesson so i recommend you meet up this weekend with your partner to figure it out” shit it's Friday if we are going to make plans it has to be now.

Pitches are not cowards.

I swallow my nerves and write my number on a piece of scrap paper before pushing it into Snow’s hand. He looks like he’s about to ask and i really can't deal with wearing his voice right now so i fill the silence with as cold a tone as i can muster. “Text me your address and i'll pick you up tomorrow, we’ll work for a few hours at mine and then i'll drive you back.” He’s thinking, it looks painful. Then he looks at me again. The bell goes and i'm gone.

I hope he doesn't text me. I hope he texts me. (shit)


	2. The Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some pure overthinking from the boys - They are both gay disasters Simon just doesn't know it yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of abuse, mentions of an awful parent
> 
> (We hate the mage)

## Simon

Penny’s at my side as soon as I'm out of the classroom. “I’m so sorry Si, I’m sure miss will let you switch with someone” she sounds muffled, far away. I’m holding tightly to the piece of paper Baz gave me, trying to ground myself. Everything feels so fast, out of control.

“Simon” what if he only stopped bullying me because he doesn't want to get into trouble at school, what if he’s been plotting about how to get me alone so he can finally hit me back “Simon” what if this was his plan all along and- “Simon!”

I look up and penny’s looking at me, she’s got a crinkly in her brow. Shit I'm sweating buckets, i guess i let myself think to much. So i smile, i nod my head a little and chuckle “it's been two years. It’ll be fine” i lie. Penny hates when i do that, i can feel her eyes boring into my skull as i walk to my second lesson.

Penny doesn't take art so i have a lot of uninterrupted time to think. It never ends well. I like art though, i don't have to think. Just feel. Pen says i'm a natural at it. I think i like art most because you don't need shit for it, just paper and a pencil. I can get lost in drawing. It's pretty much all i do when I'm not at school, all my drawings are in a box under my bed. Maybe i can show mum one day. If she leaves dad that is.

I tend to just draw what i see (meaning its usually penny) and i just let my feelings take over. That's what I'm trying to do now, just get lost in this stupid orange ive been told to sketch. But its proving hard this time, like Baz is demanding every part of my brain. (what a tosser)

Focus. Orange - I'm drawing an Orange. It’s been a strange few years since Baz stopped, I've barely seen him really.(we only have English and physical education together) It’s kind of like he avoids me, i know he doesn't cause why should he. Baz Pitch doesn't give a fuck about me, making my life shit probably just got boring.

Focus on the Orange. I haven't seen him up close in a long time, I got a pretty good look at him today. I think he wears eyeliner now. He never used to. (not that i care) I think it suits him, compliments his crystal grey eyes and vampire complexion. Fuck Baz. If he didn't look like a Greek god Agatha wouldn't have broken up with me last year. I don't think he actually liked her. I stopped talking to her after she told me she had never loved me. It was awful.

My dad still asks when we’re getting back together. She was normal, i think he hoped i'd become like her. I didn't. Maybe i should have. Agatha was perfect. I was (am) complicated. She didn't get it, why i wasn't always there when we were talking. Why i couldn't just ‘make up’ with my dad. I didn't tell her anything and she left me. She told me it was because of Baz. Sometimes i think that was just an excuse. As much as i hate Baz i can't blame him for everything, he never gave Agatha the time of day.

I guess Agatha was just looking for my opposite. There's me - acid washed light blue jeans, pastel pink sneakers, a pastel jumper, covered in moles and freckles. Then there's Baz - chunky black boots, ripped jeans, band shirts, porcelain skin, its surprising he doesn't have snake bites or any other piercings. We would end up a tourist attraction if we stood side by side. 

Great. I just drew snake bites on an Orange. So much for not thinking. 

*********************

The rest of the day is relatively normal but it feels like the paper Baz gave me is burning a whole in my jean pocket. Classes drag on and i almost forget i don't want to go home.

That’s the problem with school being my safe place. I hate school. It’s just better. Better than the worst place… home. Sometimes I forget, I watch the clock waiting till school is over. It’s what most people do. But then I got out and I remembered. I’d rather go anywhere but home.

Here I am at the end of school. At least I have a little routine before it’s time to walk home. I meet Penny in the history block and we wait for like 10 minutes (the halls are mostly empty by then) before heading to my locker. I swap my light pink converse for my ratty white sneakers and shove my jumper into the duffel bag where all my pastels live. It’s a Friday so I pass the duffel bag to Penny and grab my grey hoodie out of my locker before putting it on. Penny gets her mum to wash them every weekend (I love Penny's parents, they're kind and don't ask too many questions). We’ve been doing this for years now, ever since Pen insisted i should be able to express myself and she got me a baby pink beanie. So I leave the house the way my dad wants but spend the day as myself. Then I go home the kid he wants.

After that’s all done we walk home. (we only live 4 minutes apart so i always walk her home first) This is probably the best part of my day. Penny’s holding me hand and sort of pulling my forward. She always wants to be on time.

“-so it's not exactly my fault that Shepherd got distracted, he could have ignored me.” She’s been filling me in on all of her lessons. I don't think I've missed out on any part of her life since we were 13. (I’m almost 18 and she still explains her entire weekend to me every Monday) I don't know what i would do without her.

After i walk Penny to her door i run home. I'm a little late. It doesn't take long before i'm at my own door shuffling to get my key in the door. 

“Simon dear?” mum walks into the hallway

“Hey mum” she’s still in her scrubs so i think she just got back from work. She used to hug me every day when I got home - dad got angry a few too many times so now she just gives me a warm smile.

“Your father’s not here” i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding. “He went to York to visit your granddad, he’s not doing very well” dad hates his father (we have that in common) and i'm pretty sure he’s just waiting for him to die so he can officially own the family company. “I'm going up to join him tomorrow morning” we walk into the kitchen so mum can start making tea as she talks “We’ll be back late Sunday so you'll have the house to yourself for a while” she gives me a soft smile and raises her brows.

I know what she’s trying to tell me. Dad says when i'm not at school i need to be home - he uses the excuse that i have chores to do but i think he’s just a control freak. I can't think of the last time I went out on the weekend, I just ended up drawing in my room for two days. I know mum feels guilty about it, like i'm not living a full life. But it's not her fault. Anyway, she has to stay home when she’s not at work so it's not like her life is easy either.

Penny is busy this weekend so i guess i'll still be home...

Shit! There's that piece of paper in my pocket. I guess I can spend my only free time with Satan himself. Great.

I smile back at mum because she deserves to think this will make me happy. She’s always so tired... She deserves so much more....

Nights are nice when dad isn't home, time goes by quickly. Mum’s a good listener so i tell her about school and Penny. (i don't talk about Baz or the project). Before I know it I'm in bed staring at my phone.

I’m just staring at the new contact I made. ( ‘Baz:(’ )

I need to text him my address. I don't want to talk to him but it's the only thing I can do that isn't sitting at home. I hate my house even when it's just me - too many memories. At least if he plans to kill me it will be eventful.

 **Unknown Number (11:03pm):** hey this is simon

 **Unknown Number (11:03pm):** i live at 62 hammersmith road WD4 9JM

 **Unknown Number (11:04pm):** come anytime after 11am

## Baz

Fuck. I didn't think he’d actually text me, let alone agree to give me his address. I didn't plan for this. I didn't plan for anything.

Should i respond? Yes. Okay at least i know one thing. But that’s all i know. How does one have a casual conversation with a boy they bullied for years and are desperately in love with? Do i apologize? There isn't time in the world to say everything I’m sorry for. Do i pretend he doesn't hate me? Do i pretend i hate him? I have a lot of practice with that.

I need a third party opinion. Dev and Niall are literally my only friends so it'll have to be them. (Niall might actually be able to help, Dev will be useless)

 **BAZinga (11:37pm):** Snow texted me.

 **(de)Niall (11:39pm):** What?? 

**(de)Niall (11:39pm):** How did he get your number?

 **DEVastation (11:40pm):** Thought you didnt fuck with the golden boy anymore

 **BAZinga (11:41pm):** Don’t call him that. We have to do a project together so I gave him my number. We are going to meet up tomorrow to do work. I expected him to say no. I don’t know what to do.

 **(de)Niall (11:43pm):** Baz this is bad

**DEVastation (11:43pm):**

**DEVastation (11:43pm):** I know its because you like him but its way too far 

****

****

‘Like him’ yeah that’s it. Nothing more. (Ha)

 **BAZinga (11:45pm):** Like I don’t know that. I didn’t want to be his partner.

 **(de)Niall (11:45pm):** Maybe you could start over

 **(de)Niall (11:45pm):** Maybe if you become friends you can stop moping about him

 **DEVastation (11:47pm):** Why would Simon be his friend

 **DEVastation (11:47pm):** He hates him

 **(de)Niall (11:48pm):** Thanks Dev

 **(de)Niall (11:48pm):** Maybe just keep it simple, let him decide the tone

 **(de)Niall (11:49pm):** It’s fair with the way you’ve treated him

I’ve brought this all on myself. Why did I have to ever talk to him? (Because i'm selfish. Because I needed his eyes on mine) We could have just been classmates. This project could have made us friends.

 **DEVastation (11:49pm):** SEE

 **DEVastation (11:50pm):** I inspire Niall to give great advice!!

 **BAZinga (11:52pm):** Something like that.

 **BAZinga (11:52pm):** Thanks Niall.

 **(de)Niall (11:53pm):** Xxx

 **DEVastation (11:56pm):** (thanks Dev i wouldnt be able to give advice without you)

That’s it. Give him control. It's what I've always taken from him. Easier said than done. But i’ll do it, i won't revert back to hurting him. He has never deserved that, never deserved for me to carve a place in his life. Maybe if we start to be civil i'll become more of an acquaintance, neither good or bad. Then when we leave school i'll be easy to forget. 

Maybe i'm being dramatic. He might not even care anymore. It’s been a long time. No. The look he gave me today told otherwise, like a deer in the headlights. He’s still scared of me and i don't blame him for it.

It’s been an hour since I opened his message. He’ll know I've seen it, what if he thinks i just ignored him. Like all of this was a joke. I know I'm overthinking, he’s probably asleep. I just need to text him back. Niall said to keep it simple - let him decide the tone.

 **Baz:( (12:07am):** See you at 11.

There’s nothing simpler than that. That was the easy part and it took an hour - tomorrow may be the day i die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you liked the second chapter and in the next one they will meet up so that should be a disaster
> 
> I'd love some feedback and i hope your having a better day than Simon and Baz <3


	3. Early

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of domestic abuse
> 
> (The mage sucks)

## Simon

Mum’s already gone when i wake up, breakfast is on the table and she’s made me tea. I’ve got about an hour before Baz gets here and I'm very calm, not freaking out at all. (If i keep saying that maybe i'll trick myself)

By the amount I've been pulling at my hair it's a possibility that I'll be bald before I'm even out the door. It’s been a nervous habit of mine since i can remember - Baz once told people it was because i had fleas. Baz. Fuck he’ll be here soon and i don't know how to be around him. He’s fucking scary. 

Baz will definitely make fun of me when he sees me and i don't blame him - all my pastels are at Penny’s so i look dead. I found some really old black jeans in the back of my wardrobe (definitely too small for me) and put on a massive grey hoodie that I have to roll the sleeves of so I can use my hands. I figured if i'm going to have a day of hell and can't wear any colour i may as well drown i'm my own clothes rather than let him kill me.

**Pen (10:14am):** Maybe he’s changed - its been two years since he’s actually done anything

I told Penny everything when I woke up - to my dismay she's being all rational and calm. There’s no way he’s changed, Baz is straight up evil. I recon in a story he’d be a vampire or some shit, killing people and draining their blood. He looks like one at least.

**Si (10:16am):** i'm fully prepared for this to have been a plot to get me alone so he can kill me

**Si (10:17am):** what if hes a cannibal

**Pen (10:17am):** well if he's a cannibal you wont get a lot of your project done today

**Si (10:18am):** what would i do without your useless commentary

## Baz

I don’t know when i transitioned from Snow’s bully to his stalker but i didn't want to be late so i came an hour early. I’ve been parked on his streat staring at his house for almost an hour now and not only do I feel like a creep but I've also been thinking about how I should greet him since I woke up. I have to let him set the tone.

Give him control. 

Is ‘hi’ too casual? Should I go up to his house and knock? No. I’m too nervous for that, my legs would probably give out. I’ll let him say something first. God, I hope he says something. Inviting Snow over was a bad idea, but I knew that when I did it. I couldn't help it - the opportunity was right there. It’s true we haven't talked in a few years but I see him everyday at school, it's not enough.

I know I'm selfish. I want to be around him, but that's not our story. It never will be. I don't get to be the one who makes him smile, I made that decision a long time ago.

At least he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, that was a hard time. I don't even think Wellbelove liked him that much, she tried to flirt with me all the time (unfortunately) but just knowing Snow was with someone made my blood boil. (I'm a disaster for Simon Snow).

The digital clock in my car finally reads 11:00 so i guess it's now or never. Pitches aren't cowards.

**Baz:( (11:00am):** I’m outside.

I’m fully aware that being exactly on time is kind of weird but it's so much better than being an hour early so i'll take it.

A small part of me expects him to just ignore my text but 30 seconds later a door opens and watch blonde curls bounce in the wind. He hasn't spotted my car yet so i have a few seconds to just stare. He doesn't look like himself, or at least looks like a sadder version. He’s dressed head to toe in grey and black, with tight jeans that hug his thighs. (I’d give anything to be those jeans (Because I'm disturbed, ask anyone)) It’s so strange to see him without an ounce of colour, it's unsettling.

He finally spots me and walks over. I can't read his expression but I don't have time to overthink why that is because suddenly my car door is open and I'm face to face with blue ordinary eyes.

“You’re not wearing jeans.” I should never have let Snow set the tone.

## Simon

“Yes?” His face isn't sharp, it's just confused. I can see why.

I don't know why that was the first thing that i said to him but i was surprised and it just sort of came out. I’ve never not seen Baz in jeans (usually black and ripped) but today he’s wearing dress trousers and a white button down with the first three buttons undone. Baz looks amazing in jeans, i've never imagined that he would wear anything else. (Not that i have ever imagined him, it's just that if i did he would be wearing jeans) He looks really good in this too, just different. That’s one of the things I hate about him, he looks great in everything.

“You always wear jeans.” I carry on gawking at him because I've already made a fool of myself. I may as well seem like it was what I meant to say.

“No?” Why does he have that insufferable look on his face, I can't find a trace of malice or bad intention, he looks so genuinely confused. This isn't fair, if he doesn't act like himself I don't know how to act. (Maybe he’s changed… No, this is all part of his plot. I just don't know what he's plotting yet) This is utterly cruel of him, catching me off guard with a neutral expression.

I decided to sit down in the passenger seat and pretend I didn't just stare at his legs for a minute straight while I told him about his clothing habits.

The next few moments are silent. Baz doesn’t say anything - no hurtful comment. It’s surprising, I don't know where to go from here but I refuse to look at him. When I look at him I always lose my words. (It’s always happened, probably because i hate him so much)

After another beat of silence Baz starts the car and we start to move. This can’t be it. He has to do something, if he doesn’t do something I can't protect myself. Come on Baz! There is so much to say: You look homeless, wow do you really live in that small a house, why don't you have a car, literally anything. I live my life on defense, you can’t change the rules! I wish i knew what you were thinking.

## Baz

Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone. Let Snow set the tone.

## Simon

It’s probably bad that i’m just realizing i have no idea where we are going, i have no clue where Baz lives and so i wouldn’t know if we were actually headed to the woods so he could kill me. I really am thick, it’s not that i think Baz is actually a murderer it's just that i don’t want to rule it out. (Better safe than sorry)

Have I mentioned I hate silence? Because I really do. Silence means I'm just alone with my thoughts. Why do you think Penny and I are so good together? Because one of us is talking at all times. I can’t just sit here in silence. I can’t. 

“W-where is…” this is a great time for my stutter to appear, Baz was always so smug when i couldn’t get my insults out “Wh-here” i try again, “Where i-is your h-house” I hope he doesn’t notice the way my voice cracks. Fuck i’m so anxious.

I’m expecting his condescending smirk when I turn to look at him, but it never comes. He’s focusing his gaze on the road and his eyebrows knit together “Not far, about 7 minuets away now.” His voice is even but seems strange to me. It sounds… normal? It’s far from soft or reassuring but it's not seething with hatred. Why does he have to make everything so confusing? 

I don’t feel like that filled the silence so after a moment i start again, saying what first comes to my head. “We used to go on walks around here” That probably sounds really strange. “Me and my nan.'' She would take me on walks in the woods near here when my parents were ‘arguing’. The walks were nice and I was only 7 so I didn't understand why I couldn't see my mum for a while after.

“Oh” He’s staring so intently at the road i think his eyes might pop out if he isn’t careful. It’s not a busy road (we are in the country lanes) so i don’t know why he’s so tense.

A blanket of silence envelopes the car and I feel choked. I just need to keep talking. I have to.

“She’s dead now.” I blurt out. Fuck. I panic. “N-not t-that i want-t you to feel bad i-i just mean i d-don’t walk-k here anymore it was just the end of the sto-”

“It’s alright Snow” Baz interrupts, he sounds tense. A little more like himself i guess.

I’m just about to launch into an apology when Baz pulls into the driveway and i’m momentarily lost for words.

“T-that’s your house?” It’s fucking huge, like a lord probably built this. I think it’s the closest thing I'll ever see to a mansion and I now feel vastly underdressed. This is going to be a disaster.

“Indeed.” He doesn’t sound thrilled either. He lets out a sigh before launching himself out the car and up the driveway to his front door, leaving me to scramble behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is where it all starts to get interesting <3


End file.
